What is that one thing that surpasses or at least is equivalent to all advice that great mentors might give?
What is the number one thing someone offers without actually knowing that they are offering?
What is the perfect gift one can receive which can only be received when we actually start noticing it?
Well, before we get to this answer, let us take two scenarios from the same company:
- Ashwin had a great habit of reading and watching ‘productive’ content. Instead of doomscrolling through social media in her free time, he would often read up on a variety of books. Right from books by gurus of corporate leadership, to psychologists who had laid out the science of human behaviour, to classics that gave insights about the larger questions about life. Even if he did doomscroll, his algorithm was all about leadership, management and productive. He always had a fun story to tell about virtually any topic of conversation, always had something to say and always had an opinion to offer. But somehow, with all his words, he had been in the same position at the company for years. He was ambitious but it seemed something was lacking.
What was lacking? Well, Amit seemed to have filled that lack.
- Amit, in the same company had been promoted to a leadership position. He had dreamt about this for years, and it was his competence and his desire to learn and understand that had contributed to his rise. Amit hadn’t had a life where he had the leisure of free time. He grew up in a household with many people and limited resources. While his father would work hard to make ends meet, his mother would manage the house, look after Amit, his two siblings and his ageing grandparents. But through the hardships, Amit had observed his mother manage it all with smart work and grace; he had observed his father’s persistence and his excellent work ethic. Moreover, as he himself got a job at a relatively new company earlier, he had observed his then boss Vidya manage the budding business and the employees with great skill. He had also observed how his all three ‘role-models’ continued to be open to learning. And he made sure he implemented these lessons in his work. This is where he differed from Ashwin. Actions, over words.
Now, the answer to our earlier questions.
The one thing that surpasses or is equivalent to the advices of mentors, the number one thing someone offers without knowing that they are offering, and the thing which we receive only when we start noticing is model or exemplary behaviour. In simple words, when we observe someone practicing what they preach, we learn more effectively. When we want to give a word of advice to someone, practicing what we preach is the best thing to ‘show’ that advice. If we want to learn, we simply need to observe. If we want to teach, we simply need to do. Actions do indeed speak louder than words.
Books, suggestions, words of inspiration can teach well. But actions can teach too and sometimes better than words. When an employee observes their boss embodying the qualities of hard work, good management, competence, the employee automatically learns to do just that. When a child observes their parents living up to the ideals they teach, the child automatically learns to follow those ideals themselves. A woman on the bus was reading, and so was her 7-year-old in the seat beside her. A stranger sitting nearby asked how did she manage to inculcate this habit in her child. The woman replied “Kids learn what they see their parents doing.” This is not just about parents and children.
And this also isn’t just about a boss-employee, or a mentor-intern dynamic. There are times when we want to suggest something but we are afraid we will be called ‘preachy’ in a negative way. On the other side of it, there are indeed times when too much advice or words of even well-intentioned suggestions can feel like we are being lectured.
Sometimes actions do where words may leave this gap. Think all the times when an environment slogan worked on us (or did not) and when we saw someone pick up the litter and throw it in the dustbin themselves. Of the times when someone gave us a suggestion and when we saw the same person using the suggestion themselves and doing a great job with it. Of the times when policy wasn’t just printed on a paper but was lived by. Chances are, the latter parts of all these instances worked better for most of us.
Actions are the one thing that can teach without many words. Just observe and we can learn. Just be the example you would want others to follow and there will be no need to give any advice.