Author: UnitedHR

Gifts that Say ‘We Care’

The festive spirit continues!

However, Anjali was going through a rather depressive phase in her life. She had recently faced a personal setback. Yet, she had overcome it, and had continued to come to the office after taking a few days off. Although she carried on her work diligently, one could feel the change in her energy.

Aruna, her boss, had been observing, and trying to find a way to be supportive to Anjali without giving her reminders about the setback. The office was decked up thanks to the festive season. All the employees had been given gift hampers and sweets to take home. Although Anjali participated in some of the activities and received the hamper graciously, it was clear that she did need a different kind of lift up. The question, for Aruna, was of what kind? Aruna thought that Anjali could use some other kind of a gift. But what kind?

Aruna did not want Anjali to force herself to be happier when she needed time to process and just be.

Aruna also did not want to give Anjali an extravagant gift, like a voucher to a retreat, or some heavy incentive. It felt too empty as a gesture. She would if she could, but that meant ensuring the other employees didn’t feel like Anjali was getting special treatment. As a boss, Aruna had to keep all these factors in mind.

Aruna thought long and hard, and finally, it hit her. Anjali needed to be gifted something meaningful. Nothing too extravagant. Not anything that reminds her of the setback, nothing that acts as a sign for her to ‘quickly get back on track’. And nothing patronising!

Aruna decided to gift Anjali a small indoor plant that she could keep on her desk.

And it worked. The plant worked as a perfect gift for Anjali.

As a gesture of gifting, it helped her to feel cared for. It also reminded her of the power of nurturing. It reminded her that a little care goes a long way. Eventually, she also started to feel how little gestures of self-care regularly, just as watering the plant regularly, would help her to feel better about herself as well.

Gifting doesn’t always have to be extravagant.

As the festive season goes on around the world, we all must be thinking about secret Santas and gift hampers. Besides the materialistic gifts (and we love and want those too!) as humane humans, what we can offer are gestures which could act as gifts, no less than an expensive one.

Do you see a colleague struggling to talk about something? Listening without being judgmental could be a good gift for them.

Do you see a colleague overworked and then stressed out about their long commute? Offering to drop them till a certain distance might be a good gift for them.

Do you see a colleague who usually has their lunch by themselves, lonely on a festive week? Having a meal together with them might be a good gift for them.

And the list can go on.

Gifting is all about caring for our fellow human beings. While sometimes gifts must be in proportion to the material culture and must feel like effort was put into thinking about the gift, there are also times when we can give small gifts of humane gestures. And they are as valuable, sometimes, even more so, than expensive gifts.

The Value of Waiting

We work hard so that we may get what we want- that promotion, that raise, that prestige. But before we get there, we must wait. And waiting has value.

  • I can’t just keep waiting around for opportunities! I have to take actions!’

  • ‘I just don’t like the idea of waiting passively. You must do the work for the progress to happen. ‘

  • ‘I am running out of patience; I am tired of waiting!’

Do these statements sound familiar? A lot of us who believe in working diligently towards our goals must have thought or uttered these sentences. Presently, Rakesh was also saying these very lines to his friend Raj.

‘I want that promotion now. I put in the work, I have the merit. So why this wait? I am running out of patience, really.’

‘Rakesh, I know this will change your life, and you have been due for this long now. But things unfold at their own time, and sometimes, waiting is the best thing we can do’, said Raj, with a empathy in his tone.

‘What if it all slips away while I wait and do nothing?’ Rakesh had grown more impatient with this response.

Contrasting this attitude, Raj patiently listened to Rakesh, and responded, ‘Who said waiting means doing nothing?’

‘Then what does waiting mean?’

Raj went on:

‘Think of it this way. When you plant a seed for a tree, you water it as needed, and then you wait for it to grow. This waiting is precious, because if you over-water or under-water it or try to check again and again by upturning the ground if the seed is growing or not, it will not grow. Right?’

‘I see what you mean. Go on’, Rakesh had finally started to calm down a bit.

‘You are seeing time ‘gone’ in the waiting as a barrier. But time is actually a gift. This time will let you be prepared, so when the promotion does happen, you will be well-equipped to deal with the new responsibilities. Achieving your dreams, whether professional or personal comes with a new set of responsibilities for which you must be prepared.

‘Waiting and patience, are not simply about sitting around, passively. They are about learning to be in the now, and appreciate your journey. Have you noticed, how sometimes we tend to look back on even our most difficult times fondly? The present moment is a gift and all the time that goes in waiting is the time given to us to grow for the future.’

‘Grow for the future, patiently?’ Rakesh asked.

‘Exactly! When the time is right, you will get the promotion, and all the good things that come with it. And this is the time you give yourself the space to grow into them.’

Rakesh was now smiling, calmly. ‘That makes a lot of sense. Waiting is a gift that lets me grow into the future that my efforts are going to bring in…’

‘Yes’, Raj went on, ‘And waiting teaches you that the journey itself is as precious as the destination.’

We are often told to be patient about our efforts. Things unfold. We get to reap the rewards of our efforts, but not in our time, but at the right time.

Patience is not passive waiting. As we wait, we learn to appreciate the present as well as the journey. As the proverb goes in Hindi, ‘sabr ka phal meetha hota hai’, meaning, ‘patience bores a sweet fruit’. How will the seed lead to the fruit if we don’t wait?

Changing Gears with the Festive Energies

This festive atmosphere is a great time to lay the foundations for your new year plans.

festive season image with happy businessmen and businesswomen

What is that one thing that we notice big and small companies doing these days?

Be it online shopping giants or local vendors, everyone is basking in that festive energy. The festive energy around the country guarantees clients and customers in a good mood, and hence, a great give and take of services and rewards.

The Navratri festivities may have wrapped up, but in line stands Diwali. Around the world, from Asia to Europe to America, we have numerous holidays and festivals lined up for the next few months, which will stretch right till the new year.

The air is crisp. If you are lucky, the trees in your country might be showing bright colours of orange, auburn, yellow, reminding us that letting go is a beautiful as well as a necessary process, a part of the cycle of life. You may have just witnessed joyous, dance-filled celebrations of devotion. Wherever you are, chances are the spirits are high around you. This is a great time for businesses as well.

As the festive stretch of the year goes on, here are a couple of things professionals can do to make the best of this festive energy around:

Start New Ventures:

Why wait for the new year to start something new? Why not start right away! This is a ripe time to start new ventures. A venture started now will mean one starts their new year with a plan already in action. What better feeling than to go into the new year with a plan already in the process of implementation?

Going into a New Gear with already existing plans:

If not a new venture, this is also a great time to take the implementation of your plans up a notch. The projects that need to be finished, the tasks and objectives that need to be untangled from the knots, the festive energy can provide that much needed push. It’s all in the air!

Flip the Script of Difficulties:

An anecdote comes to mind here. Ved was sitting in low spirits in the office cafeteria. Manoj almost breezed into the cafeteria with an energy that was hard to ignore. Ved asked, ‘How do you manage to have so much energy? Don’t you feel sad that you must work when everyone around us is enjoying these festivals?’

Manoj, in his infectious energy responded, ‘On the contrary, I feel great. I love that everyone around me is having a good time. I know that all of us have some celebration, or some ‘pooja’ or some event to look forward to. It makes me want to work with more energy because I know that there is a celebration right around the corner. It makes me want to work extra hard because I know I will enjoy as much later. Even when I get tired, it is the sweet kind of tiredness, where I know I made the best out of everything: the festive cheer and my own professional ambitions. Look around, the energy is everywhere! If not the cultural celebrations, there is so much good to look forward anyway: right from the weather, the food, the decorations to all the hubbub around.’

Manoj continued, ‘In fact this time around, I feel like I have more energy to deal with any difficulties that may arise. This energy around helps me flip the script of difficulties…’

With this, Manoj breezed out, with Ved quietly smiling to himself as he started to plan the rest of his day enthusiastically. Festive energy is indeed contagious. Positive energy is indeed contagious!

This time of the year is ripe with opportunities. Opportunities to start afresh, to get into a new gear, or to simply have a more enthusiastic give and take. Whether at the level of cultures, or at the level of ventures and initiatives, the energies are high- make the best of it!

How to Deal with a Colleague Who is Going Through Personal Turmoil

We all have days when we show up to work with big and small sorrows and inner turmoil.

The contemporary work culture with all its recognition for having a work-life balance comes with this catch: even in times of personal turmoil, the work life goes on.

Have we all not faced, some points in our lives, in varying intensities, situations like:  

  1. Things are not that great at home due to many complex reasons but you must continue to do your job and meet all the deadlines as if everything is alright.
  2. Your pet is unwell, and you must look after the pet’s health, take them to the veterinarian and make sure you finish the project you were tasked with.
  3. A loved one’s health is deteriorating but time is running out for that report you have to turn in.
  4. You are feeling out of sorts and in very low spirits but it’s not a good enough reason to skip work.

The list of big and small issues that disturb our mental peace and flow goes on.

There’s only so many leaves and breaks one can take. Big and small stresses of life come and go, but the work goes on. To work, we must go. We often seek out support from our colleagues during tough times, and sometimes we are the ones providing the support that is needed.

Generally, it is believed that people who have been through similar situations can relate to each other better. As a result, when we come to know that, say, a colleague has faced a problem like ours, we naturally go to them for some support. It is a fair rationale. After all it always helps to know that what we might be facing is not a problem unique to our own selves.

But is that always a good option? Recent research by Harvard Business Review says otherwise. Take this little scenario as an example:

Sona was going through a fall out with an old friend of hers. With this stressed out and emotional mindset, she had to go to the office. She didn’t want to use up her leaves, and didn’t want to make an issue out of her emotional state. She also felt that going to work will help her distract from her problems for a while and let her focus and recalibrate. A sensible approach, except this one thing she did: she came to know that a colleague had gone through a falling out like hers recently, and so Sona decided to have a talk with her, hoping to find an empathetic ear who would understand her mindset well.

After the talk, Sona felt even worse.

Why? Her colleague gave a natural empathetic response- generally, we bring up our own similar stories because we don’t want the other person to feel alone. The colleague kept bringing up her own story whenever Sona was telling hers. But did this approach work? Not for Sona.

Sona started to imagine scenarios based on the colleague’s own story, and now she was stressing over things that hadn’t even happened. She started to imagine problems which she hadn’t even thought of until her conversation with her colleague. She started to ruminate and felt even more down in the dumps through the day.

As professionals and colleagues trying to add some humanity in a workplace, what can we do better when a colleague approaches us with an intention to unburden themselves?

  • Listen: Listen and don’t bring up your own related or/and relatable experiences. It is a natural response but a person who wants to unburden their sorrows often just wants to be heard.
  1. Ask: When unsure how to respond, just ask. Ask your colleague if they want to just vent or are they looking for suggestions and advices or do they want a distraction. Respond accordingly.
  2. Do not judge: Validate their problems and don’t belittle their issues. You may have battled tougher problems and resolved heavier issues than what your colleague is telling you about. In such instances, gently encourage your colleague to rise above the sorrows and griefs, but do not question their sorrow and grief. Big or small, sorrows and griefs are psychological realities for those experiencing them.
  3. Just talk: Ask questions with an intention to make them talk and not with an intention to get to know more about the problem. The former approach of asking the right questions can help lighten the burden and the tension; the latter might make someone feel like they are being interrogated.

Navigating work while going through personal turmoil is difficult. As colleagues trying to humanise a work culture which demands everyone to put up a brave face and keep going, we can do our bit by reading the room, understanding the situation and the individuals we are dealing with, and do our best to lighten the numerous invisible burdens that we all carry within.

Easing into the Growth Mindset

Growth mindset enables us to make criticisms and feedback into sources of improvement, growth and learning.

As Sudeshna started her new job, the initial excitement started to fade.

Contrary to her expectations, she seemed to be receiving more feedback than she had anticipated.

Sure, any new endeavour means a new learning curve. But somehow, Sudeshna started to feel that everyone seemed to be saying nothing but criticising her.

Everywhere she turned, she got feedback feedback and more feedback, about what she can do better, what she can do differently.

Over time, the self-created monster of self-doubt started to creep in, and she began to wonder if she is even capable of her job and if she is even competent enough. She began to wonder if she can ever do anything right.

With a defeated expression, one fine evening at a work party, Sudeshna was standing in a corner quietly. One of her new colleagues, a senior HR manager Rachna noticed her gloomy demeanour and approached her.

‘Hi Sudeshna, may I join you? You seem very gloomy. Is everything okay?’

‘Hi Rachna. Yes, everything is fine, but I don’t know if I am in the right job…’

Somehow, Sudeshna found Rachna’s presence to be comforting, and she confided all the self-doubt, the impostor syndrome and the feelings of inadequacy she had been experiencing. To this Rachna responded,

‘I understand. New jobs can be tough to adapt to, plus so much feedback can make one feel like there’s nothing right that they are doing. I see it- you should have been given some encouragement and positive feedback as well. It is also true though, that receiving feedback is but another opportunity for growth. Have you heard about growth mindset?

Sudeshna nodded with some doubt. She had heard about it, but didn’t know about it in detail. Rachna continued her explanation,

‘Growth mindset is when you adopt a particular attitude. It is believing that your intelligence, aptitude and competence are forever works in progress, and every criticism, every feedback especially negative feedback is an opportunity to develop your intelligence, aptitude, capability and competence further.

‘Instead seeing criticisms and feedback as attacks on your capability and competence, they should be seen as instruments to grow them further. The feedback will only help you in succeeding in your role and doing a fabulous job with it eventually. That’s growth mindset.’

Sudeshna found her mood lighten and lift, as she realised how wonderful it was to receive so many opportunities to grow at her new job.

Growth mindset is thus all about:

  • Changing the way you view feedback: the feedback you are getting isn’t about pointing out your flaws—it’s about helping you improve and succeed in your role.
  • Feedback as a chance to learn and not something to be upset about.
  • Believing that your competence and capabilities are not static and fixed, and every feedback, every criticism is an opportunity to grow and evolve your competence and capabilities.
  • Understanding that most of the times when people criticise you, they are not trying to bring you down deliberately and it is actually a reflection of their belief in you that you are capable of doing better.

Doing everything right all the time is a myth. Instead of trying to put the pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time, and in turn closing ourselves off to feedback or seeing feedback as an attack on our capabilities, growth mindset enables us to ease up a bit, allowing ourselves to learn and grow.