Tag: HR

Don’t Forget to Enjoy the Game While Scoring Goals!

image of a goal and a clock representing living in the moment while setting goals

What is common between someone waiting for their promotion and a grumpy toddler in the car asking every five minutes ‘are we there yet’?

They both keep waiting for a destination, and they ignore the wonderful present.

We have all been there. We wait for the perfect moment, the perfect reward to find happiness and purpose. Once xyz happens, I will be/do abc. We can use this template for any number of instances:

  • Once I get that promotion, I will be happy.
  • Once I get that job, I will be happy.
  • Once I get happy, I will be able to engage with my job in a better way.
  • Once I land that job, I will start living a healthier lifestyle.
  • Once I finish this task, I will give more time to my family.
  • Once I achieve my goal…then…

A cycle of promises that might never end.

Go back to maybe ten-fifteen years ago. Did you have the same goals? And did you make some of these conditional promises to yourself at that time as well? For some of us, this thought experiment may lead to a sense of accomplishment- that we were able to indeed fulfil some of those promises. You may have promised yourself that you will learn time-management better once you finish your exams and have more mental space to make priorities, and you did manage to learn that. You may have promised yourself that once you reach a certain post, you will buy your first car, and you did manage to buy it. You may have promised yourself that once that goal has been achieved, you will become happier and life will become better. Life may have become happier and better for a while.

Did that last? 

Look at us now, using the same template of making promises to ourselves, delaying our happiness. Delaying our sense of gratitude.  Living in stress, and waiting for goal to be fulfilled. Waiting to arrive at the destination, ignoring the journey.

The goalposts of life are forever moving, forever in making. Once we achieve a goal, we build a new goalpost. The significance of the old goal and the goalpost slowly starts to wane.

Once we achieve a goal, we often forget to look around and instead keep looking straight ahead.

Of course, it is good to plan things ahead and think long-term. It is great to have foresight. But it is also necessary to remember Life is always moving ahead, it always goes on. And it WILL bring new aspirations, new landmarks, new promises, new conditions.

And one must not forget to enjoy the process, enjoy the present. Doing so lets us:

  • Enjoy the results of that thing one worked really hard for.
  • Pause and notice what is around us, that may help us to actually work on our processes for our goals in a more precise manner. Imagine worrying so much about who to network with once we get that promotion, and forgetting to network with our present colleagues and seniors who may have a lot to offer!
  • Be happy in the present moment.
  • Find meaning in the present moment and find meaning when life goes in flux. Take the very unfortunate scenario of not being able to achieve the goal for some reason, despite the hard work. Having enjoyed the process, one would have garnered many life lessons, professional and personal development and insights about what could have been done better. One would be developing a healthy respect for their present situation, while looking forward to what lies ahead. Not having enjoyed the process? One would go into an existential crisis of sorts- one might feel that now that the goal hasn’t been achieved, everything that gave meaning to your life may feel like it’s lost. Why? Because the goal had become everything.

So, as we set goals, let us enjoy the process of reaching that goal. The goalposts will keep shifting, and the game shall go on. And the point is to enjoy the game nevertheless.

Retelling the Stories of Disappointment

Disappointments are a part of life. We can retell the ‘stories’ of disappointment we tell ourselves to grow and move forward through them.

image depicting ways to retell stories of disappointment
  • Ankita had a look of utter disappointment on her face. Her proposal about a project had been rejected. She had worked hard for it, and although she did realise the few gaps in her work, she felt it was still good enough to be considered, with some minor tweaks.
  • Anu had been giving interviews the entire week and none of the companies she interviewed for had called back. She was starting to think if she even had the bare minimum qualifications, given the lack of positive response to her interview.
  • Adit had just been sidelined for a position, in the final round of his interview. Till the very last stage, he had been ahead but the last task gave the other candidate a major edge, which ultimately was their gain and Adit’s loss.

Do these scenarios evoke a stressful negative memory in you? We all must have faced disappointments like these or worse. A project we worked hard on didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to be. Expectations crashed. Or an interview we thought we had aced only to realise we missed out on the job by an inch. Or a professional networking relationship we had invested in, hoping the client will accept the pitch we provide utlimately, only to realise the client chose a different pitch.

Disappointments are a part of life. Professional and personal. How someone else- a person, a panel or a committee responds to our ideas, or how our ideas land in a situation is beyond our control.

What is in our control though is the story we tell ourselves. And how we use that story to progress and improve ourselves. In our earlier articles, we have talked about the power of storytelling in pitching, networking and ideating.

We can harness the power of a different kind of ‘storytelling’ in how we look at our disappointments as well, because at the end of the day, we are all telling ourselves stories about what we do.

Ankita told herself the story that her project proposal got rejected, the one which she worked so hard for, and that which she thought was enough to get accepted.

  • She can retell the story in a different way: Although her project proposal was rejected, she has this draft of the proposal ready the next time she is asked to pitch in her ideas. All she will need to do is fill in the gaps which she has spotted already. And suddenly, she feels motivated and ready with something for the next time. She moves forward through this disappointment.

Anu told herself the story that none of the companies she interviewed for have called her back yet.

  • She can retell the story in a different way: Although she hasn’t heard from any of the companies she had interviewed for as yet, she has gained so much experience in giving interviews this past week, and has her name in the databases of all these companies, and any day she may be contacted, if not right in the near future as the first preference, then as a silver medal candidate. This retelling helps her release some negativity from her mind, and also gain some confidence in her skills, which might help her to crack the next interview, who knows.

Adit told himself the story that he just lost out on the position in the last round, and another candidate edged past him.

  • He can retell the story in a different way: Although he lost out on the job, he has developed a possible network of seniors and colleagues who have actually seen him progress through the rounds of the interview, the rounds where right until the end he had been the top performer. They have seen his strengths and weaknesses. He can actually approach one of them as possible mentors perhaps. Or the visibility he gained through the rounds of the interview itself opens doors to many possibilities. Possibilities of networking, future opportunities and mentorship. Again, he moves forward through this mindset, whether it’s seeking mentorship to improve upon himself, or finding opportunities elsewhere.

Note that in any of these examples, there is no reality denied. At the same time a sense of possibility is not denied as well. It is not toxic positivity- it is looking at things as they are from a different frame of mind. It is a story that helps one move past the disappointment. It is a story that helps one to move forward.

Disappointments are a part of life, but how we frame those disappointments in our minds decides the long-term outcomes of these disappointments. Disappointments can remain stories of disappointment. Or we can retell these stories and find ways to make the best of them. We can grow and move forward through them.

The Power of Small Achievements to get your ‘Big Break’

We often wait for a ‘big break’ to happen to us. Actually, we make the ‘big break’ happen with our ‘small achievements’. Read on.

image with working professionals celebrating small wins for the big break

Bindiya had joined the company around two years ago, and so far, she felt she had not achieved what she wanted to achieve. She had big dreams- she wanted a cabin of her own, a business card and an email signature she can be proud about. But so far, all she had to boast was that she was a junior associate. In other words, according to her, nothing much had been ‘achieved’.

Divya, a senior colleague and a friend of Bindiya’s walked in and saw the latter’s cheerless visage. As she asked, Bindiya confided how she had been feeling like a failure since the past year and a half since it wasn’t the career graph she had been expecting. She had been in the workforce for the past four years or so and two years with the company, and felt she hadn’t had any progress.

‘Is it so? Have you had no progress at all? Think about it. I remember a few meetings you attended in this company in your first year. You were quiet, and barely seemed to be handling the information that had been thrown at you.

Now look at you! Remember the meeting we had last week? You were asking great questions, and at one point, you also offered to mentor the interns. Isn’t that progress?’

Bindiya’s mood lightened up a little. But she still felt that this was just a random glimmer in an otherwise lacklustre career. She said, ‘Yes, but I don’t feel like this is a very significant achievement…’

‘Is it so?’ Divya quipped. ‘Remember the very first report you drafted? You were asked to make so many corrections. Now, most of your reports get the approval, and it is almost given that since you have made the report, it is going to be a job well done!’

Bindiya smiled at Divya’s optimism and countered it with…well, her pessimism, saying, ‘These little achievements are fine. I am grateful that I have learned so much over these couple of years, but I do not see the point of these small successes. I need a big break. Something that actually changes things…’

Divya at this point shared a story, ‘You know our boss, how did he start his career? He was a personal assistant to the head of another company. This wasn’t a job that many considered great. But he nevertheless continued to do his job of an assistant well, and learnt all that he could.

‘By ‘all that he could’, I mean every little thing. Just like you, he improved over the years his networking skills through the meetings he attended with his boss, which he wasn’t even a major part of for many years. He continuously found smart ways to do his job as an assistant as efficiently as was possible for him. He learnt to take phenomenal minutes of meetings which over the years gave him a keen eye for small details and a meticulous way of doing things. He was the first one the interns talked to when they had to approach the boss, and eventually, he developed a way of creating rapports with new recruits. One day, his boss himself referred him to this company for the role of a junior manager, and now he is the boss since a couple of years!’

Bindiya was looking at Divya wide-eyed. ‘Really?’

‘Of course!’ Divya continued, ‘I am telling you this story because I want you to understand that life is made up of small achievements, that can eventually lead you to the ‘big break’ that you are talking about. You make the ‘big breaks’ happen through your small achievements; the big breaks don’t simply happen to you.

‘Celebrate your ‘small breaks’. Celebrate how you have improved over the years. Keep learning, just keep learning. Keep finding ways to do your present job well. We often underappreciate the small cumulative improvements we make with things. Celebrate them, learn from them, because eventually, they will only help us with our big break, and to make good use of our big break from all that we have learned.’

Bindiya finally felt her mood lift, and found a new dose of motivation to keep doing her work efficiently.

Life is made up of small achievements that could lead to the big break that we all want.

The point is to:

  • Learn from your small breaks and achievements.
  • Remember the cumulative power of regular small achievements.
  • Remember that we stagnate only if we let ourselves stagnate- we can learn even from the smallest of tasks if we develop that famous growth mind-set we all must have heard of. Because what is growth mindset, if not developing a mentality to constantly learn?
  • Do our job well, and do not pore on the designation and the status wars that come with it. What our designation is, we must do full justice to it.

Eventually, the small achievements take you to the moment that will give the big break. Not only that, the lessons you learn from small achievements could be applied lifelong, even with your big break!

Gifts that Say ‘We Care’

The festive spirit continues!

However, Anjali was going through a rather depressive phase in her life. She had recently faced a personal setback. Yet, she had overcome it, and had continued to come to the office after taking a few days off. Although she carried on her work diligently, one could feel the change in her energy.

Aruna, her boss, had been observing, and trying to find a way to be supportive to Anjali without giving her reminders about the setback. The office was decked up thanks to the festive season. All the employees had been given gift hampers and sweets to take home. Although Anjali participated in some of the activities and received the hamper graciously, it was clear that she did need a different kind of lift up. The question, for Aruna, was of what kind? Aruna thought that Anjali could use some other kind of a gift. But what kind?

Aruna did not want Anjali to force herself to be happier when she needed time to process and just be.

Aruna also did not want to give Anjali an extravagant gift, like a voucher to a retreat, or some heavy incentive. It felt too empty as a gesture. She would if she could, but that meant ensuring the other employees didn’t feel like Anjali was getting special treatment. As a boss, Aruna had to keep all these factors in mind.

Aruna thought long and hard, and finally, it hit her. Anjali needed to be gifted something meaningful. Nothing too extravagant. Not anything that reminds her of the setback, nothing that acts as a sign for her to ‘quickly get back on track’. And nothing patronising!

Aruna decided to gift Anjali a small indoor plant that she could keep on her desk.

And it worked. The plant worked as a perfect gift for Anjali.

As a gesture of gifting, it helped her to feel cared for. It also reminded her of the power of nurturing. It reminded her that a little care goes a long way. Eventually, she also started to feel how little gestures of self-care regularly, just as watering the plant regularly, would help her to feel better about herself as well.

Gifting doesn’t always have to be extravagant.

As the festive season goes on around the world, we all must be thinking about secret Santas and gift hampers. Besides the materialistic gifts (and we love and want those too!) as humane humans, what we can offer are gestures which could act as gifts, no less than an expensive one.

Do you see a colleague struggling to talk about something? Listening without being judgmental could be a good gift for them.

Do you see a colleague overworked and then stressed out about their long commute? Offering to drop them till a certain distance might be a good gift for them.

Do you see a colleague who usually has their lunch by themselves, lonely on a festive week? Having a meal together with them might be a good gift for them.

And the list can go on.

Gifting is all about caring for our fellow human beings. While sometimes gifts must be in proportion to the material culture and must feel like effort was put into thinking about the gift, there are also times when we can give small gifts of humane gestures. And they are as valuable, sometimes, even more so, than expensive gifts.

The Value of Waiting

We work hard so that we may get what we want- that promotion, that raise, that prestige. But before we get there, we must wait. And waiting has value.

  • I can’t just keep waiting around for opportunities! I have to take actions!’

  • ‘I just don’t like the idea of waiting passively. You must do the work for the progress to happen. ‘

  • ‘I am running out of patience; I am tired of waiting!’

Do these statements sound familiar? A lot of us who believe in working diligently towards our goals must have thought or uttered these sentences. Presently, Rakesh was also saying these very lines to his friend Raj.

‘I want that promotion now. I put in the work, I have the merit. So why this wait? I am running out of patience, really.’

‘Rakesh, I know this will change your life, and you have been due for this long now. But things unfold at their own time, and sometimes, waiting is the best thing we can do’, said Raj, with a empathy in his tone.

‘What if it all slips away while I wait and do nothing?’ Rakesh had grown more impatient with this response.

Contrasting this attitude, Raj patiently listened to Rakesh, and responded, ‘Who said waiting means doing nothing?’

‘Then what does waiting mean?’

Raj went on:

‘Think of it this way. When you plant a seed for a tree, you water it as needed, and then you wait for it to grow. This waiting is precious, because if you over-water or under-water it or try to check again and again by upturning the ground if the seed is growing or not, it will not grow. Right?’

‘I see what you mean. Go on’, Rakesh had finally started to calm down a bit.

‘You are seeing time ‘gone’ in the waiting as a barrier. But time is actually a gift. This time will let you be prepared, so when the promotion does happen, you will be well-equipped to deal with the new responsibilities. Achieving your dreams, whether professional or personal comes with a new set of responsibilities for which you must be prepared.

‘Waiting and patience, are not simply about sitting around, passively. They are about learning to be in the now, and appreciate your journey. Have you noticed, how sometimes we tend to look back on even our most difficult times fondly? The present moment is a gift and all the time that goes in waiting is the time given to us to grow for the future.’

‘Grow for the future, patiently?’ Rakesh asked.

‘Exactly! When the time is right, you will get the promotion, and all the good things that come with it. And this is the time you give yourself the space to grow into them.’

Rakesh was now smiling, calmly. ‘That makes a lot of sense. Waiting is a gift that lets me grow into the future that my efforts are going to bring in…’

‘Yes’, Raj went on, ‘And waiting teaches you that the journey itself is as precious as the destination.’

We are often told to be patient about our efforts. Things unfold. We get to reap the rewards of our efforts, but not in our time, but at the right time.

Patience is not passive waiting. As we wait, we learn to appreciate the present as well as the journey. As the proverb goes in Hindi, ‘sabr ka phal meetha hota hai’, meaning, ‘patience bores a sweet fruit’. How will the seed lead to the fruit if we don’t wait?