Tag: Leadership

Retelling the Stories of Disappointment

Disappointments are a part of life. We can retell the ‘stories’ of disappointment we tell ourselves to grow and move forward through them.

image depicting ways to retell stories of disappointment
  • Ankita had a look of utter disappointment on her face. Her proposal about a project had been rejected. She had worked hard for it, and although she did realise the few gaps in her work, she felt it was still good enough to be considered, with some minor tweaks.
  • Anu had been giving interviews the entire week and none of the companies she interviewed for had called back. She was starting to think if she even had the bare minimum qualifications, given the lack of positive response to her interview.
  • Adit had just been sidelined for a position, in the final round of his interview. Till the very last stage, he had been ahead but the last task gave the other candidate a major edge, which ultimately was their gain and Adit’s loss.

Do these scenarios evoke a stressful negative memory in you? We all must have faced disappointments like these or worse. A project we worked hard on didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to be. Expectations crashed. Or an interview we thought we had aced only to realise we missed out on the job by an inch. Or a professional networking relationship we had invested in, hoping the client will accept the pitch we provide utlimately, only to realise the client chose a different pitch.

Disappointments are a part of life. Professional and personal. How someone else- a person, a panel or a committee responds to our ideas, or how our ideas land in a situation is beyond our control.

What is in our control though is the story we tell ourselves. And how we use that story to progress and improve ourselves. In our earlier articles, we have talked about the power of storytelling in pitching, networking and ideating.

We can harness the power of a different kind of ‘storytelling’ in how we look at our disappointments as well, because at the end of the day, we are all telling ourselves stories about what we do.

Ankita told herself the story that her project proposal got rejected, the one which she worked so hard for, and that which she thought was enough to get accepted.

  • She can retell the story in a different way: Although her project proposal was rejected, she has this draft of the proposal ready the next time she is asked to pitch in her ideas. All she will need to do is fill in the gaps which she has spotted already. And suddenly, she feels motivated and ready with something for the next time. She moves forward through this disappointment.

Anu told herself the story that none of the companies she interviewed for have called her back yet.

  • She can retell the story in a different way: Although she hasn’t heard from any of the companies she had interviewed for as yet, she has gained so much experience in giving interviews this past week, and has her name in the databases of all these companies, and any day she may be contacted, if not right in the near future as the first preference, then as a silver medal candidate. This retelling helps her release some negativity from her mind, and also gain some confidence in her skills, which might help her to crack the next interview, who knows.

Adit told himself the story that he just lost out on the position in the last round, and another candidate edged past him.

  • He can retell the story in a different way: Although he lost out on the job, he has developed a possible network of seniors and colleagues who have actually seen him progress through the rounds of the interview, the rounds where right until the end he had been the top performer. They have seen his strengths and weaknesses. He can actually approach one of them as possible mentors perhaps. Or the visibility he gained through the rounds of the interview itself opens doors to many possibilities. Possibilities of networking, future opportunities and mentorship. Again, he moves forward through this mindset, whether it’s seeking mentorship to improve upon himself, or finding opportunities elsewhere.

Note that in any of these examples, there is no reality denied. At the same time a sense of possibility is not denied as well. It is not toxic positivity- it is looking at things as they are from a different frame of mind. It is a story that helps one move past the disappointment. It is a story that helps one to move forward.

Disappointments are a part of life, but how we frame those disappointments in our minds decides the long-term outcomes of these disappointments. Disappointments can remain stories of disappointment. Or we can retell these stories and find ways to make the best of them. We can grow and move forward through them.

Trust and Leadership

Diya had recently been promoted. It was a major milestone for her- she had been entrusted with a leadership role, and it was a dream come true for her.

But as the reality set in, and the days when she would be given the charge of her new role came closer, she began to get the jitters. Or more specifically, she began to get flashbacks about the leaders she had worked under.

She remembered the manager she worked under during her very first job. At the first glance, the manager seemed like an ideal. The supervision was minimal, interference zero, and he was contrary to the micro-manager horror stories she had heard from her senior friends. Diya was given total autonomy, and she felt it was the ideal. But soon, Kenny started to feel the autonomy was a little too much. She wished her manager would give her some direction. She liked that the manager let her fly on her own, but she wished she had some sense of direction about where to fly. Often the manager would disappear for days, and she didn’t know who to ask, even what to ask in case of doubts.

She also remembered another manager she worked under during her later years. This was a manager who made sure she knew exactly what Diya was doing at all times during the assignment. A textbook helicopter boss, with this manager Diya felt constrained. The manager wanted things to be followed to the T. Exactly as was instructed. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing new. It was rigidity disguised as meticulousness.

Diya did not want to be either of these bosses. She called up her mother- after all, her mother was the best manager she knew.

Rightly so, her mother gave her the much-needed reality check. She said,

‘Diya, in all my years of managing, whether it is you kids, or people, or anyone or anything in general, one thing I have learned is this: you have to treat your team members like human beings who know what they are doing, in turn your team members are going to see you as someone who knows what she is doing. It is a simple but profound truth.

When you think people know what they are doing, you simply tell them what needs to be done, very clearly. You check on them from time to time, trusting that they will be doing the work responsibly. You don’t have to supervise them constantly.

When people see you as someone who knows what she is doing, they will expect you to point out to the mistakes they might be making, or tell them when an approach needs some tweaking.

A simple give and take of understanding. Keep this in mind, and you will be a great manager.’

After much deliberation, Diya understood the balance:  

  • Define the expectations clearly, meticulously, but let her team members figure out the implementation.
  • Define the shared goal clearly.
  • Give the team members autonomy, but supervise the autonomy.
  • Tell the team members that she is here for guidance, keep the communication lines open to solve doubts.
  • Tell the team members who to communicate with in case of her absence.
  • Realise that mapping out a plan doesn’t necessarily mean it will be implemented exactly in that manner: the map is not the territory.

The bottom line was once that trust was established between the team leader and the team members, that both parties knew what they were doing, a fine balance could be established between expectations and implementation. A trust in each other’s competence, a willingness to listen and learn and a common shared goal are the alphabets around which the language of team leadership and team work is built upon.

Are you an Intrapreneur?

Dear employee, do you dream big, and always seem to find new ideas to drive innovation?

Do you find a way to expand your role in a way that not only helps you with job crafting but also helps the company you are working in?

Do you always find a way to rethink a seemingly odd idea into something sellable? Well, you might be an intrapreneur!

An ‘intrapreneur’ is essentially an entrepreneur within a company, who can bring innovation and success for the company through their unique skills, their competence and perspective, that is, through their enterprising nature. So, employers, how to recognise the intrapreneur within your company? And employees, how to cultivate or recognise that streak of intrapreneurship within you? Here’s a quick list of qualities that makes one an intrapreneur:

Making Lives Better

An intrapreneur, much like the entrepreneur, has great ideas for innovation and change. What does an entrepreneur do? They find a way to add meaning to their life through a business idea, an innovation that will change the life of the community/the people around for the better. They find this one need, that one gap, and find a way to fill that gap, such that it will add benefit and meaning to their as well as the customer’s life. Similarly, within a company, an intrapreneur, through their enterprising nature, constantly finds ways to make their job more meaningful, and develops new competencies, fills the existing gaps within their role, expands it, and thus expands the scope of change within the company. An intrapreneur makes a company’s ‘life’ better.

Expert seller

One doesn’t have to be in sales to be a good salesperson. Who is a good salesperson? A good salesperson is someone who recognises that a product has great selling potential. They recognise the ideal customers, the ideal way to approach those customers, and the ideal way to market that product so that one can sell it well.

As an article by HBR points out, an intrapreneur is similarly a great salesperson of ideas. They recognise a good idea, even ideas that are underutilised or dormant; a good intrapreneur has the ability to revitalise a seemingly dead idea. They can market or remarket the idea such that the idea is ‘sold’ in the right manner, to the right clientele. In other words, an intrapreneur has the ability to look at ideas innovatively, and thus change the world, and the company, through that idea.

Well-connected

What makes an entrepreneur stand out from everyone? One of the qualities is their ability to network, and establish a reciprocal give and take of services with other businesses. A true entrepreneur understands the value of meaningful connections with other entrepreneurs as well as their ‘loyal’ customers.

An intrapreneur within the company similarly, is an expert networker. They not only get along well with their colleagues, but also have a great network outside of the company, that will enable the company to engage in collaborative endeavours, retain clients and consultations. They will always find new avenues for growth for the company. An article by People Matters brings to notice the side of the intrapreneur that wins over people, and the fact they are not afraid to take risks or fail publicly- they will simply learn and get better.

The intrapreneur thus, could be anyone, who is proactive, who understands the value of meaningful networking, and who sees the potential in ideas, and knows how to bring those ideas to fruition, to better their own as well as the company’s life. An intrapreneur thus brings the enterprising spirit within the company, for the company. So, dear employee, do you see the intrapreneurship bug in you? Dear employers, do you recognise the budding intrapreneurs in your office?

Managing With Empathy-Drain: Navigating the various forms of Empathy

Empathy drain is often faced by professionals involved in personnel management and leadership roles. How does one manage that?

People in leadership roles these days are often encouraged to cultivate empathy in their role. Managers, leaders, mentors etc are considered to be doing a good job when employees feel safe to voice their concern, when they feel their voices are being heard and considered.

The younger generation of employees in fact often value empathy in leadership as a major deal-breaker or -maker. A Gallups survey cited by Harvard Business Review found that among a sample of 1000 workers who left their jobs during the Great Resignation, 58% did so because they found their managers lacking empathy.

Empathy is the thing to develop.

But is it a sustainable quality to develop for people at managerial positions?

Empathy Drain:

A survey by Future Forum found that middle managers reported more burnout than any other kind of workers.

Many managers often feel like they may have to do a trade-off: either have empathy, and drain yourself and endanger one’s well-being, or don’t show empathy and leave the employees in the midst of issues.

When one is dealing with people, and your job is to make sure the people make good use of their competence, it is inevitable that the one in charge of it would be drained out. What’s more, being empathetic might also mean one takes on the feelings of others, leading to more burnout- physical as well as psychological. The cost of having empathy, of ‘getting’ what people are going through, is to end up actually getting what people are going through. Even people in caregiving professions such as nursing, training, teaching may experience what is called ‘compassion fatigue’ or ‘empathy burnout’.

Getting what your employees go through might not be a very healthy thing for anyone’s well-being, especially managers and leaders.

But there seems to be a balanced way out of the empathy drain.

Tuning into empathetic concern:

Empathy comes in a variety of forms, as per the article mentioned above. We can differentiate between empathetic concern vs. emotional empathy and mindfully tune our behaviour accordingly. Empathetic concern involves having concern for others and finding solutions based on that concern. Emotional empathy involves taking on emotions of others.

Understanding these forms of empathy could be a key to not feeling drained out due to empathy, and at the same time, not come across as a heartless person.

Say for example, your colleague or employee comes to you about a problem they are facing. Emotional empathy would be to start feeling their problem as your own. This could lead to a possible roadblock because you would be too involved in trying to understand their feelings. You might also end up taking on the work of this employee, and at the end of the day, you would be overworked and drained, and the employee would end up feeling like a burden and possibly with no sense of having overcome the problem.

Showing empathetic concern on the, other hand, would be seeing their problem, and offering support and insights into possible solutions. This would lead to keeping a healthy distance, and helping others step in their power to solve their own problem. The employee is likely to feel empowered, and you would have channelised your sensitivity in the right direction.

Empathetic concern would mean helping the employee get their sense of agency and finding ways to raise them from their misery. Emotional empathy would be getting what the person is going through, and getting so involved in their problem that one forgets to think about a solution.  Of course, sometimes, one can only listen in some situations, and let the experiences integrate themselves. But this tuning out, between having emotional empathy and having empathetic concern is the line between helping someone yourself, and empowering someone to help themselves. 

Lessons to learn from Lord Ganesha

As Ganesh Chaturthi sets in, we look into the lessons that Lord Ganesh represents.

ganesh chaturthi, lessons to learn from lod ganesha, image for article titled lessons to learn from lord ganesha

As Ganesh Chaturthi sets in, we are reminded about the auspiciousness that surrounds this festival, and the significance Lord Ganesha has in the day-to-day life. Lord Ganesha can also teach some life lessons that can well be applied into the professional space as well.

Listen more, listen well: Lord Ganesha with just his way of being teaches us the value of great listening skills. The elephantine ears represent the ability and keenness to listen to the nuances of what the other person has to say. Good listening skills ensure that we are paying attention, whether we are listening to a client, listening to a colleague in a meeting or listening to a friend. Paying attention, and listening for the sake of listening, and not merely for the sake of responding can lead to the other person feeling truly heard, and in turn lead to a fruitful collaboration.

Obstacles shall be removed: The dukh harta, sukh karta role of lord Ganesha is well-known. We can recall this in our own dealings. Any obstacle or road-block that we encounter in problem-solving or in a project, is an opportunity to work around the very obstacle or road-block. With a trust that any obstacle that we may come across will be removed, we can work on it or around it calmly. As Stoicism teachings often put it: ‘Obstacle is the Way’. The obstacle is the opportunity to work on something in a better way. It is the growth-mindset that we hear about all the time.

Wisdom and abundance: The famous lore about a young Ganesha and Kartikeya showcases the wisdom and a feeling of abundance that our modak-loving lord represents. When asked to make a round of the world by parents Shiva and Parvati, Kartikeya went for a round of the earth. Ganesha simply started to make rounds around his parents, saying that they are his world. This mindset not only represents wisdom, cleverness but also a sense of abundance, and feeling grateful and happy about what you have. No wonder Ganpati is also associated with his jolly nature!

Beginnings are sweet: The sweet modak which lord Ganesha loves, along with him being the God of beginnings is a reminder that beginning something is sweet enough. Rather than feeling daunted about starting a project from the scratch, or opening a new company, or adopting a new way of thinking, one would do well if one remembered that something well begun is a battle half won. Why think of it as a battle even? Why not think of it as being on our way to acquiring the sweet rewards of the modak?  

As Ganesh Chaturthi sets in, team UHR would like to wish everyone abundance of wisdom, sweetness, and success in all their endeavours. Here’s to auspicious beginnings, a wise journey and jolly results!