Tag: HR

How to Deal with a Colleague Who is Going Through Personal Turmoil

We all have days when we show up to work with big and small sorrows and inner turmoil.

The contemporary work culture with all its recognition for having a work-life balance comes with this catch: even in times of personal turmoil, the work life goes on.

Have we all not faced, some points in our lives, in varying intensities, situations like:  

  1. Things are not that great at home due to many complex reasons but you must continue to do your job and meet all the deadlines as if everything is alright.
  2. Your pet is unwell, and you must look after the pet’s health, take them to the veterinarian and make sure you finish the project you were tasked with.
  3. A loved one’s health is deteriorating but time is running out for that report you have to turn in.
  4. You are feeling out of sorts and in very low spirits but it’s not a good enough reason to skip work.

The list of big and small issues that disturb our mental peace and flow goes on.

There’s only so many leaves and breaks one can take. Big and small stresses of life come and go, but the work goes on. To work, we must go. We often seek out support from our colleagues during tough times, and sometimes we are the ones providing the support that is needed.

Generally, it is believed that people who have been through similar situations can relate to each other better. As a result, when we come to know that, say, a colleague has faced a problem like ours, we naturally go to them for some support. It is a fair rationale. After all it always helps to know that what we might be facing is not a problem unique to our own selves.

But is that always a good option? Recent research by Harvard Business Review says otherwise. Take this little scenario as an example:

Sona was going through a fall out with an old friend of hers. With this stressed out and emotional mindset, she had to go to the office. She didn’t want to use up her leaves, and didn’t want to make an issue out of her emotional state. She also felt that going to work will help her distract from her problems for a while and let her focus and recalibrate. A sensible approach, except this one thing she did: she came to know that a colleague had gone through a falling out like hers recently, and so Sona decided to have a talk with her, hoping to find an empathetic ear who would understand her mindset well.

After the talk, Sona felt even worse.

Why? Her colleague gave a natural empathetic response- generally, we bring up our own similar stories because we don’t want the other person to feel alone. The colleague kept bringing up her own story whenever Sona was telling hers. But did this approach work? Not for Sona.

Sona started to imagine scenarios based on the colleague’s own story, and now she was stressing over things that hadn’t even happened. She started to imagine problems which she hadn’t even thought of until her conversation with her colleague. She started to ruminate and felt even more down in the dumps through the day.

As professionals and colleagues trying to add some humanity in a workplace, what can we do better when a colleague approaches us with an intention to unburden themselves?

  • Listen: Listen and don’t bring up your own related or/and relatable experiences. It is a natural response but a person who wants to unburden their sorrows often just wants to be heard.
  1. Ask: When unsure how to respond, just ask. Ask your colleague if they want to just vent or are they looking for suggestions and advices or do they want a distraction. Respond accordingly.
  2. Do not judge: Validate their problems and don’t belittle their issues. You may have battled tougher problems and resolved heavier issues than what your colleague is telling you about. In such instances, gently encourage your colleague to rise above the sorrows and griefs, but do not question their sorrow and grief. Big or small, sorrows and griefs are psychological realities for those experiencing them.
  3. Just talk: Ask questions with an intention to make them talk and not with an intention to get to know more about the problem. The former approach of asking the right questions can help lighten the burden and the tension; the latter might make someone feel like they are being interrogated.

Navigating work while going through personal turmoil is difficult. As colleagues trying to humanise a work culture which demands everyone to put up a brave face and keep going, we can do our bit by reading the room, understanding the situation and the individuals we are dealing with, and do our best to lighten the numerous invisible burdens that we all carry within.

Easing into the Growth Mindset

Growth mindset enables us to make criticisms and feedback into sources of improvement, growth and learning.

As Sudeshna started her new job, the initial excitement started to fade.

Contrary to her expectations, she seemed to be receiving more feedback than she had anticipated.

Sure, any new endeavour means a new learning curve. But somehow, Sudeshna started to feel that everyone seemed to be saying nothing but criticising her.

Everywhere she turned, she got feedback feedback and more feedback, about what she can do better, what she can do differently.

Over time, the self-created monster of self-doubt started to creep in, and she began to wonder if she is even capable of her job and if she is even competent enough. She began to wonder if she can ever do anything right.

With a defeated expression, one fine evening at a work party, Sudeshna was standing in a corner quietly. One of her new colleagues, a senior HR manager Rachna noticed her gloomy demeanour and approached her.

‘Hi Sudeshna, may I join you? You seem very gloomy. Is everything okay?’

‘Hi Rachna. Yes, everything is fine, but I don’t know if I am in the right job…’

Somehow, Sudeshna found Rachna’s presence to be comforting, and she confided all the self-doubt, the impostor syndrome and the feelings of inadequacy she had been experiencing. To this Rachna responded,

‘I understand. New jobs can be tough to adapt to, plus so much feedback can make one feel like there’s nothing right that they are doing. I see it- you should have been given some encouragement and positive feedback as well. It is also true though, that receiving feedback is but another opportunity for growth. Have you heard about growth mindset?

Sudeshna nodded with some doubt. She had heard about it, but didn’t know about it in detail. Rachna continued her explanation,

‘Growth mindset is when you adopt a particular attitude. It is believing that your intelligence, aptitude and competence are forever works in progress, and every criticism, every feedback especially negative feedback is an opportunity to develop your intelligence, aptitude, capability and competence further.

‘Instead seeing criticisms and feedback as attacks on your capability and competence, they should be seen as instruments to grow them further. The feedback will only help you in succeeding in your role and doing a fabulous job with it eventually. That’s growth mindset.’

Sudeshna found her mood lighten and lift, as she realised how wonderful it was to receive so many opportunities to grow at her new job.

Growth mindset is thus all about:

  • Changing the way you view feedback: the feedback you are getting isn’t about pointing out your flaws—it’s about helping you improve and succeed in your role.
  • Feedback as a chance to learn and not something to be upset about.
  • Believing that your competence and capabilities are not static and fixed, and every feedback, every criticism is an opportunity to grow and evolve your competence and capabilities.
  • Understanding that most of the times when people criticise you, they are not trying to bring you down deliberately and it is actually a reflection of their belief in you that you are capable of doing better.

Doing everything right all the time is a myth. Instead of trying to put the pressure on ourselves to be perfect all the time, and in turn closing ourselves off to feedback or seeing feedback as an attack on our capabilities, growth mindset enables us to ease up a bit, allowing ourselves to learn and grow.

Trust and Leadership

Diya had recently been promoted. It was a major milestone for her- she had been entrusted with a leadership role, and it was a dream come true for her.

But as the reality set in, and the days when she would be given the charge of her new role came closer, she began to get the jitters. Or more specifically, she began to get flashbacks about the leaders she had worked under.

She remembered the manager she worked under during her very first job. At the first glance, the manager seemed like an ideal. The supervision was minimal, interference zero, and he was contrary to the micro-manager horror stories she had heard from her senior friends. Diya was given total autonomy, and she felt it was the ideal. But soon, Kenny started to feel the autonomy was a little too much. She wished her manager would give her some direction. She liked that the manager let her fly on her own, but she wished she had some sense of direction about where to fly. Often the manager would disappear for days, and she didn’t know who to ask, even what to ask in case of doubts.

She also remembered another manager she worked under during her later years. This was a manager who made sure she knew exactly what Diya was doing at all times during the assignment. A textbook helicopter boss, with this manager Diya felt constrained. The manager wanted things to be followed to the T. Exactly as was instructed. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing new. It was rigidity disguised as meticulousness.

Diya did not want to be either of these bosses. She called up her mother- after all, her mother was the best manager she knew.

Rightly so, her mother gave her the much-needed reality check. She said,

‘Diya, in all my years of managing, whether it is you kids, or people, or anyone or anything in general, one thing I have learned is this: you have to treat your team members like human beings who know what they are doing, in turn your team members are going to see you as someone who knows what she is doing. It is a simple but profound truth.

When you think people know what they are doing, you simply tell them what needs to be done, very clearly. You check on them from time to time, trusting that they will be doing the work responsibly. You don’t have to supervise them constantly.

When people see you as someone who knows what she is doing, they will expect you to point out to the mistakes they might be making, or tell them when an approach needs some tweaking.

A simple give and take of understanding. Keep this in mind, and you will be a great manager.’

After much deliberation, Diya understood the balance:  

  • Define the expectations clearly, meticulously, but let her team members figure out the implementation.
  • Define the shared goal clearly.
  • Give the team members autonomy, but supervise the autonomy.
  • Tell the team members that she is here for guidance, keep the communication lines open to solve doubts.
  • Tell the team members who to communicate with in case of her absence.
  • Realise that mapping out a plan doesn’t necessarily mean it will be implemented exactly in that manner: the map is not the territory.

The bottom line was once that trust was established between the team leader and the team members, that both parties knew what they were doing, a fine balance could be established between expectations and implementation. A trust in each other’s competence, a willingness to listen and learn and a common shared goal are the alphabets around which the language of team leadership and team work is built upon.

Are you an Intrapreneur?

Dear employee, do you dream big, and always seem to find new ideas to drive innovation?

Do you find a way to expand your role in a way that not only helps you with job crafting but also helps the company you are working in?

Do you always find a way to rethink a seemingly odd idea into something sellable? Well, you might be an intrapreneur!

An ‘intrapreneur’ is essentially an entrepreneur within a company, who can bring innovation and success for the company through their unique skills, their competence and perspective, that is, through their enterprising nature. So, employers, how to recognise the intrapreneur within your company? And employees, how to cultivate or recognise that streak of intrapreneurship within you? Here’s a quick list of qualities that makes one an intrapreneur:

Making Lives Better

An intrapreneur, much like the entrepreneur, has great ideas for innovation and change. What does an entrepreneur do? They find a way to add meaning to their life through a business idea, an innovation that will change the life of the community/the people around for the better. They find this one need, that one gap, and find a way to fill that gap, such that it will add benefit and meaning to their as well as the customer’s life. Similarly, within a company, an intrapreneur, through their enterprising nature, constantly finds ways to make their job more meaningful, and develops new competencies, fills the existing gaps within their role, expands it, and thus expands the scope of change within the company. An intrapreneur makes a company’s ‘life’ better.

Expert seller

One doesn’t have to be in sales to be a good salesperson. Who is a good salesperson? A good salesperson is someone who recognises that a product has great selling potential. They recognise the ideal customers, the ideal way to approach those customers, and the ideal way to market that product so that one can sell it well.

As an article by HBR points out, an intrapreneur is similarly a great salesperson of ideas. They recognise a good idea, even ideas that are underutilised or dormant; a good intrapreneur has the ability to revitalise a seemingly dead idea. They can market or remarket the idea such that the idea is ‘sold’ in the right manner, to the right clientele. In other words, an intrapreneur has the ability to look at ideas innovatively, and thus change the world, and the company, through that idea.

Well-connected

What makes an entrepreneur stand out from everyone? One of the qualities is their ability to network, and establish a reciprocal give and take of services with other businesses. A true entrepreneur understands the value of meaningful connections with other entrepreneurs as well as their ‘loyal’ customers.

An intrapreneur within the company similarly, is an expert networker. They not only get along well with their colleagues, but also have a great network outside of the company, that will enable the company to engage in collaborative endeavours, retain clients and consultations. They will always find new avenues for growth for the company. An article by People Matters brings to notice the side of the intrapreneur that wins over people, and the fact they are not afraid to take risks or fail publicly- they will simply learn and get better.

The intrapreneur thus, could be anyone, who is proactive, who understands the value of meaningful networking, and who sees the potential in ideas, and knows how to bring those ideas to fruition, to better their own as well as the company’s life. An intrapreneur thus brings the enterprising spirit within the company, for the company. So, dear employee, do you see the intrapreneurship bug in you? Dear employers, do you recognise the budding intrapreneurs in your office?

Channelising the Care: Realistic Ways to Manage Work and Home

In one of our earlier articles, we talked about working professionals, along with the struggles faced by the two genders, and how it’s necessary that we work with each other, instead of creating battles and rivalries.

Having said that, many working professionals still struggle with missing out on important events from their children’s lives. They often end up feeling drained out and demotivated as they juggle home and work, and often at the expense of the other. Many working professionals might relate with the following anecdote:

Riya was awarded the best administrative professional this month. She had thrown a little treat for her colleagues. It was an occasion to be happy and proud of one’s self. However, Riya seemed gloomy and just not her usual self. When asked if something was wrong, she revealed that although she had got the award, she had missed her son’s school function, and missed her mother’s birthday.

She was questioning her ability to balance work and family.

Sometimes, some of us are slightly lucky, with gracious colleagues and bosses who help us make adjustments. Another anecdote will throw more light on this:

Rajeev was not in mood that day, while his boss noticed, and asked what happened? Rajeev confided that it was annual function in his daughter’s school and she had participated in it. He will not be able to attend because of the urgent meeting today. To this the boss grants him two hours short leave to attend and come back, and then give the presentation at the meeting; the boss felt that since he had everything prepared, it won’t be difficult. Rajeev was grateful to his boss and quickly attended the event and returned.

Whether you are a man, or a woman, such scenarios might be very familiar to many of you. It is a sad reality of our times.

What are some realistic things working professionals can do to balance the home and the work front?

Communication and honesty:

The first step is to admit that you are struggling, that you are indeed missing out on certain events, sometimes in the home sphere, and sometimes in the work sphere. Honesty to one’s self is the first step. The pressure to be the perfect employee and the perfect parent can be draining. Once you admit to yourself that you are struggling, you can communicate this concern to your colleagues and bosses. You can also take your family and children into this communication, in fact, and ask everyone (at home and at work) what their expectations are from you, and what sort of event means how much to them. The next step is to communicate what are the things that you will be able to manage, and what are the things that might need some management of expectations from their end. Note that you may also have to manage the expectations you have from yourself.  

Once you have expressed your concerns, the next step is to prioritise.

Prioritise and set boundaries:

Some events at home could be more important than some events at work, and vice versa. Sometimes it is not even about the scale of events, as much as what the event means to someone. As you take stock of what’s on your plate, make clear distinction between what can be absolutely not missed at any cost, for both spheres. A basic rule of thumb is to communicate to your colleagues that you need to attend an event beforehand, and not leave it until the last minute as much as possible as was seen in the second anecdote.

While being polite and respectful about the communication to your colleagues, be unapologetic to that little inner-voice that makes you wonder if something can be compromised. That inner-voice might also tell you that you will be able to manage everything, and that you don’t need to say no to anything.

But you need to remember that it is about quality over quantity. It is about attending that one important meeting, where you let go of the event at school that doesn’t mean much to your child, and it is about attending the event (big or small) that means the most to your child, and letting go of that one meeting where you don’t even need to be present. You can also team up with your spouse, and coordinate as to who will be attending office on the day of the child’s event, and who would attend the event.

As you try to lighten the burden of expectations over your shoulders, the most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Letting go of the guilt that comes with missing out on something, whether at work or at home could be an unrealistic thing to think about: the guilt might stay.

But what can be done is to at least understand that the guilt is a natural response, and that it simply shows that you care. Channelising that care in the right direction, at the right time, through realistic expectations and decisions is what matters.