Author: UnitedHR

Trust and Leadership

Diya had recently been promoted. It was a major milestone for her- she had been entrusted with a leadership role, and it was a dream come true for her.

But as the reality set in, and the days when she would be given the charge of her new role came closer, she began to get the jitters. Or more specifically, she began to get flashbacks about the leaders she had worked under.

She remembered the manager she worked under during her very first job. At the first glance, the manager seemed like an ideal. The supervision was minimal, interference zero, and he was contrary to the micro-manager horror stories she had heard from her senior friends. Diya was given total autonomy, and she felt it was the ideal. But soon, Kenny started to feel the autonomy was a little too much. She wished her manager would give her some direction. She liked that the manager let her fly on her own, but she wished she had some sense of direction about where to fly. Often the manager would disappear for days, and she didn’t know who to ask, even what to ask in case of doubts.

She also remembered another manager she worked under during her later years. This was a manager who made sure she knew exactly what Diya was doing at all times during the assignment. A textbook helicopter boss, with this manager Diya felt constrained. The manager wanted things to be followed to the T. Exactly as was instructed. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing new. It was rigidity disguised as meticulousness.

Diya did not want to be either of these bosses. She called up her mother- after all, her mother was the best manager she knew.

Rightly so, her mother gave her the much-needed reality check. She said,

‘Diya, in all my years of managing, whether it is you kids, or people, or anyone or anything in general, one thing I have learned is this: you have to treat your team members like human beings who know what they are doing, in turn your team members are going to see you as someone who knows what she is doing. It is a simple but profound truth.

When you think people know what they are doing, you simply tell them what needs to be done, very clearly. You check on them from time to time, trusting that they will be doing the work responsibly. You don’t have to supervise them constantly.

When people see you as someone who knows what she is doing, they will expect you to point out to the mistakes they might be making, or tell them when an approach needs some tweaking.

A simple give and take of understanding. Keep this in mind, and you will be a great manager.’

After much deliberation, Diya understood the balance:  

  • Define the expectations clearly, meticulously, but let her team members figure out the implementation.
  • Define the shared goal clearly.
  • Give the team members autonomy, but supervise the autonomy.
  • Tell the team members that she is here for guidance, keep the communication lines open to solve doubts.
  • Tell the team members who to communicate with in case of her absence.
  • Realise that mapping out a plan doesn’t necessarily mean it will be implemented exactly in that manner: the map is not the territory.

The bottom line was once that trust was established between the team leader and the team members, that both parties knew what they were doing, a fine balance could be established between expectations and implementation. A trust in each other’s competence, a willingness to listen and learn and a common shared goal are the alphabets around which the language of team leadership and team work is built upon.

Resetting: Goal Thinking

The famous metaphor divides our goals into big and small rocks in a jar. But are goals as rigid as rocks?

There’s a famous metaphor suggesting how prioritising our goals, objectives and targets is about filling a glass jar with big rocks first, and then adding smaller rocks, that is, your smaller goals in the spaces that remain. Although a valuable lesson in prioritising, as an article by Harvard Business Review points out, it now calls for an upgrade.

Let us imagine a little scenario.

Vinita has her goals and objectives sorted and divided into big rocks and small rocks. Big rocks for her are: learning and developing her skill-set, gain some experience, work up her income and resume, and immigrate to a bigger city later for better opportunities. Her smaller rocks are: finding time to meditate at least a few minutes a day, finding a hobby that helps with her fitness and learning new strategies to keep her house tidier.

The metaphor of rocks gives us associations of robustness and stability. But they can also make us rigid and fixated on a goal in an unhealthy decontextualised manner. Let us take Vinita’s scenario again.

Vinita has made enough progress and she is ready to emigrate to a bigger city for better opportunities. But she gets a promotion at her current company. The pay is likely to rise exponentially, and what’s more, she might even be offered a house. What happens now to her big rock goal to immigrate to a bigger city?

If Vinita sees her goals as rocks, she is likely to go into a dilemma. An inner tug-of-war between these two opportunities is likely to cause much stress to her.

How about we upgrade the metaphor now?

Why don’t we see goals as moulds of clay instead of rocks? Little pieces which we can connect and bind together by adding water if needed, and shaping and re-shaping them as the situation changes?

The moulds of clay would be the goals. Changes in situation, and realising our core values would be the water we add and the reshaping we do.

Let us go back to Vinita with our clay metaphor. Her goals are now mouldable, re-shapable. The core remains the same – she wants a better opportunity, a better lifestyle. She would get all of this with the promotion. There’s no inner tug-of-war here because she was open to her goal(s) getting remoulded. Vinita also realises now, thanks to her flexible mentality, that what she actually valued as a big rock goal was the result of that goal, and not the goal in itself.

What’s more, rather than goals as single stones, through the re-shaping and moulding, Vinita may end up creating a beautiful sculpture out of the clay of that goal itself!

What we can understand from thinking about goals as mouldable clay is that they are a working ongoing reality. Our vision of how we want our life, and what we prioritise might change. What we thought was important to us might not remain so, or we may realise that what we valued was actually the result(s) that the goal was supposed to give us, and not the goal itself. Keeping a ‘rock solid’ rigid mindset with our goals is likely to blind us to possibilities and opportunities. Keeping our goals open to remoulding and reshaping depending on the changes in the situation and priorities is likely to free us up from the burden to hold onto an outdated vision of our life, and perhaps even surprise ourselves in a good way.

Is Everyone’s Dream-Job Your Dream Job as Well?

A particular job may be a dream of many, but is it your dream as well? The answer lies in understanding your sense of authenticity.

Shreya had just landed a dream job. At least what was supposed to be a dream job.

It was a high post with a prestigious multinational company. A job that attracted not just prestige and results but even considerable envy. But somehow as she started to work at the company, the initial excitement started to wear off. It’s not that the job hadn’t lived up to its expectations- it had given Shreya everything- her desired income, recognition and incentives. It had given her everything except one thing: the feeling that she was being herself.

As we hold this thought, let us take one more example of someone who landed their (supposed) dream job. Along with Shreya, Sumit joined the same company- the dream of many. But unlike Shreya, Sumit couldn’t get as much recognition for his work. He was well qualified, and he did the best according to his abilities, but somehow, things just didn’t feel aligned for Sumit.

Although the Sumit couldn’t perform well, and on the other hand Shreya did manage to get her due recognition, at the core, they both had the same issue- a prestigious company just didn’t make the job feel good, and one ended up feeling out of place and drained. Going to work every day and doing even the simplest of tasks became a struggle for Shreya and Sumit.

Fast forward to a year and Shreya had started her own company dealing with sustainable fashion. It was a small company, nowhere close to the prestigious multinational she was a part of earlier, but everyday Shreya looked forward to going to work. The awards she got for entrepreneurship felt meaningful to her. She found the challenging work of finding investors and increasing the reach of her new company mentally stimulating, and despite the hard work, she rarely felt drained.

Let us fast forward to Sumit and he had become the general manager at a small company. He had quit the multinational company and started a new job at this smaller company. From the start, unlike the multinational company, Sumit felt at ease, and found the work challenging in a good way. The company wasn’t too well-known when Sumit joined, but as Sumit found his path in the company, that started to change. Over time, the company became one of the most well-known companies in the field: the company and Sumit both had grown with and through each other. 

In both the examples above, is a golden lesson in authenticity. Rather than simply aiming for prestige and jobs that look great on paper, one can aim for a job that fits their own sense of authenticity. Prestige and recognition will follow as wonderful ‘side-effects.’

Shreya as a person was someone who believed in sustainability, loved fashion and loved challenges, and hence starting her own company didn’t feel like a big draining challenge as compared to the prestigious job at the big multinational even though on paper, objectively speaking, it was supposed to be the other way around. Sumit gained fame and fortune out of a supposed smaller company, and helped the company rise as well. Turns out, what is ‘on paper’ can change!

One may land a job that is a dream to many; one may even find great or some success in it. But is the job your dream? Is the success meaningful to you? These are the questions that matter in the long run. Perhaps the adage ‘work at the job you love and you won’t have to work a day’ finds a renewed meaning this way.

Qualities that Make you the “Real Winner” in Life

Awards and certificates have their place. But ultimately it is the process, the attitude, the willingness to learn and grow that determine what you ‘win’.

A wonderful art exhibition was going on, and Sudeshna was on cloud nine. After all, her painting had been put on display and hundreds of people had visited the art gallery so far. There were other paintings by other artists getting displayed as well.

Surabhi, a friend of Sudeshna was one of the visitors. They both greeted each other, but Sudeshna noticed that Surabhi had a somewhat troubled expression on her face. ‘Is everything all right, Surabhi?’

‘Sudeshna, I was walking up here, and outside I saw a list of names. They had all won various prizes for their pieces. Some even really big rewards. Your name was not there. I think you deserved a prize for this.’

‘Oh! Of course, that list! I know what you are talking about. I know some people on the list; some of my good friends and really talented people. I am happy for them.’

Surabhi was touched by Sudeshna’s ability to be happy for others but she was also a bit angry now. She asked, ‘But Sudeshna, don’t you feel even a little sad about not making the list?’ Surabhi wanted to ask her if it didn’t feel like a waste of effort that she didn’t win anything, but held back since she didn’t want to sound too harsh. But her expression, even if held only for a second before she put up a smile, was read by Sudeshna.

‘Oh, you think the painting here has been put up, but to no avail? That it’s all a wasted effort if there has been no prize? Childish consolation prize kind of thing?’

Surabhi couldn’t say anything but Sudeshna knew she had read Surabhi’s mind.

Sudeshna explained ‘See, I get your empathy, and I am grateful to have a friend who wants me to excel to the best of my abilities. But my primary goal in putting effort in this painting was to become the person that painting something like this would compel me to be. I feel like a changed person, and I think that’s a big enough win for me. For now.’

Surabhi looked a bit puzzled, so Sudeshna continued, ‘There are lots of people in the list who won by sheer good luck, no denying that. Some are genuinely talented. I wish them all well. I also wish that the winners have got a boost to keep developing their skills and upgrading their goals. I hope they don’t simply rest on their laurels. I see that a lot of the winners seem to have remained the same persons.

‘Their attitude before and after finishing their paintings remains the same. I on the other hand feel like a different person- I understood my capacity to work hard, I know what needs to be improved, I feel grateful and at peace that even when I didn’t technically ‘win’ I have so many people visiting me and congratulating, complimenting on my painting. Not having a name on the list is one minor negative to an otherwise very positive result.’

Surabhi was left an awe of Sudeshna’s attitude. Just then a major artist of the city, who Sudeshna had invited specially for the event, walked over to Sudeshna’s painting and started what looked like a fruitful discussion. This was a ‘win’.

What lessons do we have from Sudeshna’s ‘win’?

Attitude matters:

There is always a silver lining in everything. The bigger goal, the larger perspective is what matters. Winning prizes, awards and certificates is a good thing. But the larger goal should be to cultivate that attitude, that set of traits, skills, competence and enjoyment in the process that help you grow and move forward. Prizes, awards, and certificates will work short-term, but in the long run it’s the process of it all, the attitude and willingness to grow and adapt that matter.

Meaningful networking:

It takes only one influential person to notice your work and capability for your life to change. Endless networking with hundreds of people and hoping something fruitful to come out of it is leaving things to chance. But networking mindfully and meaningfully is taking control in your own hands. Both approaches have their place, and it is up to us which one we wish to take.

And finally, show up and start, the rest will fall into place. Sudeshna didn’t win the prize, and her name was not on the list of winners. However, she was still expected to be at the exhibition. She could have sulked and skipped it all, wondering what’s the point if she didn’t ‘win’. But she anyway decided to show up, be cheerful about it, and stand by her own sense of achievement. That confidence, that sense of self-assuredness, the sense that one knows where one stands, and one is willing to grow and learn shows. It all shows in one’s conduct and attitude. And that’s a big win.

Yoga Day Special: Understanding Our Worries

This Yoga Day, let us expand our understanding of ourselves, including what worries us, and how we can manage those worries.

yoga day image, guy meditating in worry to show ways to do focused yoga

Two friends, Anita and Esha were having a conversation over coffee. Anita looked worried. When asked what was wrong, she said what many of us must have felt at one point. Some of us may also be feeling this way as we read this.

‘Everything worries me. Every decision I make, I overanalyse. I worry about everything. It’s as if the overthinking will never ever stop. I feel anxious all the time, and I haven’t been able to get anything done on time. It’s really affecting me.’

Esha listened, and gently comforted Anita, saying, ‘We all are consumed by the overthinking monster every once in a while. It’s okay, you can manage this. Trust me.’

‘How? I have tried relaxation techniques. It helps a bit, but only temporarily. Yoga usually helps me but these days, even that is not helping.’

Esha went in further and said, ‘How about you try this yoga to control the mind, and manage? Yoga won’t help much unless you know what you wish to manage through the Yoga practice. Whenever you find yourself on one of your overthinking sprees, see which one type seems to be bothering you:

Anita listened with curiosity and nodded. Esha continued:

‘If you constantly find yourself ruminating over past decisions, past mistakes and bad feedback, you are most likely a past analyser.

‘If you constantly find yourself worrying about the future, and anticipating problems which don’t really exist at present, you are most likely a future analyser.

‘If you constantly find yourself over analysing any decision, and find yourself unable to actually make a decision, getting in a state of analysis paralysis, you are most likely an over-analyser. ‘

Anita seemed to have found her problem as a gleam of recognition came into her eyes. ‘What to do when I find myself into one of these states?’

Esha went on,

‘For the past analyser, scheduling a ‘worry time’ during the day might help, where one sits with these feelings of worry, and find out which of these worries can be solved, and which can be left in the past. The ones which can be solved can be dealt in a head on way.

‘For the future analyser, visualisation exercises might help, where you imagine yourself overcoming these anticipated hurdles. This small perspective shift can help a lot.

‘For the over analyser, understand that perfection is a myth, and that mistakes are part and parcel of life. Any path we take, we can always course correct. There is no need to analyse each and every detail- trust that you can figure things out as they come.’

As Anita listened to this, she felt her anxiety ease up a little. The knots in her mind slowly started to loosen up.

We all must have been in Anita’s state of mind. Overthinking.

Wondering why our relaxation techniques, and a disciplined practice of yoga isn’t helping.

Wondering when will this overthinking monster leave us.

The key to make the best use of our abilities is to understand what kind of worries consume us, and our minds, and finding ways to manage those. Yoga isn’t just about asanas and postures- it is an active practice of understanding ourselves, and finding the best possible way to make the best use of that understanding of ourselves. Yoga encapsulates practices of introspection, and practices to make that introspection meaningful, such as meditation, visualisations, and countless such centring practices.

This Yoga day, let us remind ourselves that we have an incredible ability to manage our minds. Yoga when done with a sense of purpose, and with the right focus and with the right technique, can help us become calmer and more centred individuals. In turn, we can become individuals who are in tune with our inner and the outer world, leading to professional and personal success, peace and prosperity. What’s more, now we can Overcome the Overthinking Monster.